Dear Grace,
What a week. I’ve been fighting a virus, and it’s knocked me out. For most of the week, my throat has felt on fire, and my voice makes Darth Vader sound pre-pubescent. Sarah says it’s very ominous. At first glance, it felt like the whole week was a loss.
It’s been frustrating – having to accept the limits of my body. I had some important meetings planned, teachings to facilitate, a sermon to prepare among other preparations for this weekend’s baptisms. Instead, God has put me on a forced silent retreat. Because it’s been such a strain to talk, I couldn’t even take any virtual meetings. I’ve been holed up in my room.
In my isolation, I found myself using my phone more and more (I don’t even want to look at what my screen time usage is.) Yesterday, I had enough. Rather than mindlessly scrolling, I decided to fast from social media and limit my phone usage. I started picking up some books that I’d been meaning to finish. I listened to music.
As the week has unfolded, and my body has felt a little more normal (except my voice), I can see how God has invited me to slow down with Him – to be even more unhurried in my reading of Matthew, my prayers for family and the church. To read at leisure, to journal, to just sleep. I began to pray throughout the day for the various people I should have been meeting with. I had to stay home from our EHS course last night, and ended up praying for the class as it was going on.
What a unique experience – to receive this gift of God within the limits of sickness. I am reminded of Henri Nouwen’s explanation of an aspect of spiritual maturity that takes us from isolation/loneliness into solitude, the furnace where God transforms us. There is a difference in being alone versus being alone with God.
I think about you in our church family who also are experiencing forced isolation. Whether through sickness like me or furlough/joblessness, what could be God’s invitation for you in it? How might He be coming to you? I don’t mean to try and reinterpret your circumstances, but rather to wonder with you if God might encounter you in it? Like Moses in the Midian wilderness or Saul in the Arabian desert, it seems that God allures us into the wilderness to love us back into shape.
It doesn’t happen all at once. I think it’s a process by which we get tired of all the fake substitutes that we use to placate us when we’re on the go. When we get inactive (or are forced to be inactive), we see the shallowness of the endless scrolling, media content, and other trivialities. We want something more – and I wonder if it’s in that awakened longing that God offers himself…and we respond. If that could be you, I pray that you’ll meet Him right where you are, even in the most unlikely of circumstances.
This coming Sunday we’ve got a bunch of brothers and sisters being baptized! It has become one of our favorite gatherings at Grace – a chance to remember and proclaim that Jesus saves, and He’s doing it among us all the time. It’s a wonderful opportunity to invite someone in your life who might be seeking deeper purpose or meaning. We have seen over and over how God uses someone’s story to advance an onlooker’s investigation. As you continue to pray for your “7”, consider how God might want you to invite them to come and see.
I hope I’ll be well enough to be there in person!